


Cursed

by ForgettableLoser



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 19:02:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20569325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForgettableLoser/pseuds/ForgettableLoser
Summary: Michael has to handle life by himself once again and isn't the same guy he used to be. Many issues lie ahead as he learns to trust again.





	Cursed

Michael had thought he had been through it all. The one sided love, finally being loved,past relationships, accepting being a loser,at least in high school, but he was so wrong. He never could have pictured it all going so wrong.   
Michael sat in his room, checking his phone for any new notifications or texts. He had scheduled with Jeremy a sleepover. A night to play games, talk about all their deepest or funny secrets, eat junky snacks, and ruin their sleep schedule. A night to not only be friends, but also boyfriends. The thought of it made Michael melt into a puddle of helpless love sickness on his bed. He'd been tired lately, but really missed spending more quality time with Jeremy. Alone together. As much as he needed to hear Jeremy laugh, he also just wanted to see his boyfriend smile and have a good time without worrying about popularity or his new friendship with Christine after their break up a year ago. Jeremy seemed to be faring well with it, in fact rather less wiggly around Christine now that they have established a platonic relationship. It made Michael relieved for Jeremy's sake, and nothing could make him happier than Jeremy's well being. Well maybe a hug would make Michael extra happy but besides the lovely things, all he'd want is Jeremy's happiness.   
Michael, as selfish as he felt for it, had been wanting Jeremy to get close to him, hold his hands, say the sweet things, and kiss him like it was the end of the world. Michael couldn't blame Jeremy for being so busy with his new pace in life. It must be stressful to the point the poor guy can't even jack off by himself. Michael knew how important that was to Jeremy. As Michael turned off his phone, he stood up and sprayed on some of his axe cologne. As much as others made fun of it, Michael was rather proud to have a calogne at all. His moms usually suggested their perfume so Michael was thankful enough not to smell like a woman. Tonight Michael would do whatever he needed to relax Jeremy, sooth his nerves, make him smile for the first time in a while, and just give him a good night to be happy about in the midst of stressful times.   
Michael could already picture or imagine the possible outcomes. If Jeremy needed to cry, then Michael was up for it. If his boyfriend needed a good hug, kiss, or bj, Michael was for it. If Jeremy needed Michael to sing in the weirdest voice ever, Michael would do it. He'd do anything for him.   
The brunette heard the door knocks and quickly put his hoodie on and rushed to the door.   
Upon opening it, Michael could tell Jeremy wasn't looking too well.   
The taller boy looked down at Michael with a weak smile.   
" Jeremy! You didn't answer my texts, but that was probably cause you were driving- don't worry about it I'm glad you got here safely!"  
Michael smiled at Jeremy with adoration and thought for whatever Jeremy could be thinking.   
" Thanks Michael. "  
Jeremy didn't take a step inside and instead looked down at his feet as Michael continued.   
" You look awful- I got everything you could possibly need tonight! Junk food, milk, video games, Minecraft especially. Oh- if you're too tired we can just relax on my bed if you want. The nights all yours!" Michael said, excited for anything Jeremy wanted to do.   
It was silent for a few moments and Michaels grin faded.   
" Jeremy? Are you okay? "  
Michael took Jeremy's hand gently, smiling very softly.   
"I'm sorry, I must be a bit overwhelming. I'll try to be quiet. What can I do for you? "  
Jeremy finally looked up from his sneakers and at Michael.   
At last he spoke.   
"Michael. I'm sorry you got so much prepared for me tonight, but I came here to do something else."  
Michael scoffed a moment.   
"Like what? I could care less about anything I've set up. I'm down for anyth-"  
"Michael this is a serious thing. That im-"  
Michael looked at Jeremy confused but caught off guard.   
"What's wrong? "  
"I'm.. You- Michael" Jeremy restarted.   
"Mhm?.. " Michael replied quietly.   
"You were the best.. boyfriend I could have ever asked for and-"

Michaels heart stopped, his gaze turning cold and his breath sharply taken away. Almost like when you're being told "I love you, " But much much more unpleasant. He squeezed Jeremy's hand. 

"It's not you, it's me. You didn't do anything wrong. I just-"  
"You're breaking up with me? " The shorter one asked in disbelief.   
Jeremy nodded solemnly and let go of Michael's hand.   
This was so fast.   
A lot was going through Michael's head and he wanted to scream or something but nothing came out except the one main thing he was wondering.   
"W-wh-hy? " He asked, stuttering the h in a weird way. He thought he had pretty good control of his emotions, but this was beyond his prediction. Or at least what he made himself see.   
His eyes were quickly coated with the blur of his tears, all welled up too much for him to properly see Jeremy. His emotions or thoughts. Even if the tears weren't there Michael felt like he was suddenly introduced to somebody else.   
He looked around, the sides, the floors, Jeremy's almost unwavering face, or was that just what he saw? Michael was looking everywhere as if checking if this were a nightmare of some sort. Confusion and disbelief took over as he started chuckling with a struggling smile/frown.his glasses were far to ruined by the salty tears that Michael just took them off, not attempting to clean them. His hands shook as he looked back to Jeremy, the blurry slender figure seemingly to hesitate to reach out to Michael.   
Michael took a step back, dropping his glasses while his hands had no confidence to even hold them, wavering in what action to take next.   
" We can still be friends, I just think you need some time by yourself to-"  
" Time by myself? Jeremy I'm always by myself!" Michael continued to sob/laugh.  
" Well then you can hang out with some friends? Michael I don't want this to hurt you so much, I still care about you I just don't feel romantic like that anymore. Everything else is the same."  
" What friends? "  
Michael could ask a lot more sarcastic questions but wasn't after Jeremy like that. He wasn't looking to be the weak one, the loser, especially to Jeremy. He didn't feel angry, but if he spat all the negatives of his life at Jeremy it would seem like he was.   
"I just want to be with you Jeremy please-"  
Michael smiled in ways that the squip could correctly describe as pitiful. Truly.  
Jeremy looked down and stepped forward to lead Michael to his room.   
"I know it's a sudden change.. Let's just get some rest."  
Michael stuttered nonsensical sentences that Jeremy couldn't understand.   
As much as Michael knew he couldn't sleep that night unless Jeremy stayed, he felt sick that Jeremy was only there out of pity for his reaction to the sudden news. Jeremy could've ghosted him.   
Laying down, Michael looked on in disbelief to his current reality, his now ex laying next to him just like the night they'd get tired after a good video game round or creation. After a night of soft kisses, sweet words, and cuddles. What happened? When did things change?   
Michael couldn't handle it.   
There was no other way to handle this stress and agony other than crying until he'd run out of tears to release his stress hormones.  
When that wasn't enough, Michael had an anxiety attack, causing him to breath terribly.   
He couldn't expect anything from Jeremy, and Jeremy couldn't do anything but say he's gonna be okay.   
Michael could barely see Jeremy's face, but could tell the boy was exhausted.   
It hurt to cause Jeremy to stay here, but also cry so much that his best friend couldn't even get needed rest.   
Michael decided to take into action what he had been told before about choosing a feeling. How to feel. He couldn't exactly do it 100% but he managed to stop breathing so shallow and loudly, and stopped his embarrassing sobbing into a silent cry until he was out of tears again.   
He closed his eyes and didn't sleep until he was sure Jeremy was sleeping. He could hear him breathe more slowly, and more relaxed than Michael ever could be. Michael was usually stiff in muscles when trying to sleep, but tonight he'd deal with it as if it were nothing the best he could.  
Knowing Jeremy was asleep, he slowly reached out for Jeremy's hand, and held it for the last time that night.   
He almost started another wave of crying but forced himself not to and just closed his eyes in hopes that this would be a nightmare.  
"I love you.. " Michael whispered with a small sniff. 

The next morning, Michael woke up, taking a full hour to function what had happened. Jeremy wasn't in bed anymore and Michael laid there by himself. He still didn't believe or understand it. But the moment he sat up, another anxiety attack ensued. Michael glanced over at his phone and decided to try and sleep until the day was over. What a life. What now?


End file.
